Sleepytime Secrets: Making Bedtime A Breeze!


Hi,

Welcome to my weekly newsletter series. In this newsletter series I will be posting articles dealing with issues that relate to children's sleeping habits, development and parenting. Feel free to forward this email on to any of your friends who may be interested in these articles.


Dealing With Tantrums

If you have a toddler, you will no doubt experience a tantrum at some point. No matter how disturbing it is for adults, tantrums are normal behavior for young children, as long as they're not frequent. Most children throw tantrums simply because they're tired and/or hungry.

First and foremost, know that a toddler cannot yet control his emotions. He isn't capable of thinking through how he can prevent his tantrum. Don't forget that many adults still have trouble controlling their emotions, so don't have undue expectations of your toddler. He will eventually be able to better control his behavior. Therefore, punishment for a tantrum will be futile and will only cause damage to your relationship with your child. Time-outs are acceptable if they're used less as punishment than as an opportunity to move from the location of the tantrum and stop the behavior. For toddlers, time-outs are more a time to relax and take a deep breath than anything else.

Since your child is already upset, yelling at him during a tantrum will only make things worse. When your child is in an emotional state, you need to remain calm in order to deflect the situation. Your child feels out of control and needs to know that you are in control.

This includes times when your child is having a tantrum in public. No matter how embarrassing it may be for you, focus your mind on your child, and forget about the adults who may be watching and judging you. Other parents will certainly be sympathetic because they will have gone through this experience as well. Non-parents simply haven't a clue. If your child has a tantrum in public, gently pick him up and remove him from the public place. If he's kicking to the point that it isn't safe to move him, you'll simply have to wait for the episode to pass. You can try to distract him with something that may catch his attention in a positive way, such as a favorite song or a cool car you see on the street. Your best defense is to try to prevent public tantrums by keeping your child indoors during the times of day when he will most likely be tired.

Let your child know gently that tantrums are not a way to get what he wants, and then stick to your guns. Never reward a child in order to get the tantrum to stop. You will simply set yourself up for more frequent tantrums. Ask him what he wants, and tell him that he will only get what he wants if he asks you calmly. Tell him that you can't give him what he wants if he's kicking and screaming.

When he begins to calm down, you might ask him in a humorous way to imagine himself in your shoes. Would he want to give you something if you screamed about it? You can tell him that sometimes you want to scream, too. Then, comically scream – but don't imitate or make fun of your child. Tell him that you've learned it isn't the way to get what you want. Then, when he has calmed down, you can give him a hug. Remain empathetic to his feelings without condoning the behavior.

If your child has gone through something that has created a great deal of anger and frustration, show him ways to get his frustration out in a more productive way. Offer him a pillow that he can hit when he feels upset. Understand that if your family has had some upheaval such as a divorce, a move, or a death, tantrums may increase during your child's adjustment period. Be compassionate about this, as it's simply your child's way of coping with the changes. Ignore the tantrum, and let your child get the frustration out. If the tantrum goes on for too long in your opinion, try bending down to your child's level and singing softly. You can even try setting an alarm, telling him he has two minutes to scream it all out.

Teach your child ways to calm herself down, and she will feel more in control and independent at the same time. These techniques include picturing her favorite place in her mind, deep breathing, thinking of something funny, or singing to herself. Such skills will be valuable to her for the rest of her life.

If your little one has a lot of tantrums, begin to keep track of what sets her off. You may be able to head a tantrum off at the pass if you know the cause. If you're in public, give her a task to do that will "help" you in order to keep her mind off her fatigue or hunger. Then, of course, give her what she needs as soon as possible. If your child makes it past one of her triggers without throwing a tantrum, be sure to praise her. "You were so helpful to me today, and I really had fun going to the store with you." Praising a child for "being good" can be problematic since you want her to know that you love her unconditionally and not just when she's "good." Again, remember that a toddler isn't being bad. She has little, if any, control over her tantrums.

As is often the case with both physical and emotional issues, sleep is crucial to keep the number of tantrums as low as possible. Fatigue is the number one cause of tantrums in toddlers, and if your child isn't getting the needed 12 hours of sleep daily, you're setting yourself up for many unpleasant episodes.

Tip of the Week:

Humor can be a great way to deflect tantrums. If you can find a way to make your child laugh, it will most certainly stop the tantrum. Don't imitate or make fun of your child, though. This will only hurt her feelings. If she's upset because you won't give her the big box of candy at the store, you might try saying, "I had tantrums when I was little because I wanted a big red elephant for a pet, and my Mommy said no! Do you know why I couldn't have a big red elephant?" Your child just may look up at you, smiling, and say, "Silly! Elephants aren't red!"

I hope you enjoyed this article.

Kind regards,

Janet Brownlee and the Sleepytime Secrets Team
Sleepytime Secrets - Making Bedtime A Breeze!

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