Hi,

Welcome to my weekly newsletter series. In this newsletter series I will be posting articles dealing with issues that relate to children's sleeping habits, development and parenting. Feel free to forward this email on to any of your friends who may be interested in these articles.

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When your first child is born, he's the star of the family. What happens to him when another star suddenly shows up? This is the origin of sibling rivalry. Your child has had all of your attention for awhile and would rather not share it with someone else. So, how do you deal with feelings of jealousy and competition?

Some sibling rivalry is simply normal and inevitable. Brothers and sisters always compete with each other to some degree, but you will still need some strategies to deal with conflicts as they arise.

Start out by preparing your child for the arrival of the new baby. Make sure he feels a part of the process. Let him talk to the baby in your belly, and tell him how exciting it will be to have a little brother or sister to play with, love and care for. Prepare him by explaining what it will be like when the baby arrives. Show him baby pictures and videos of himself so that he understands that he, too, required a lot of care as a baby. If you fear your child will have a difficult time accepting the new arrival, buy him a little gift to bring home with the new baby.

Try to give your child little chores to do that will help with the baby. These can be as simple as bringing you a new diaper, but be generous with your praise and gratitude for the help. This way, your child will feel that he's a part of his brother or sister's care. It's important that the first child not begin to feel like an outsider. You may have your child draw a picture of your family while you're caring for the baby. Encourage him to interact with the baby and develop a relationship. Tell him what an important teacher he will be for his baby brother or sister.

Set aside time to spend alone with your first child, and give him lots of hugs and kisses. He'll need extra reassurance that you still love him and that he's just as important as the new baby. You may find that your older child regresses to infantile behaviors. This is an effort to get the same attention as the baby. You can treat him like a baby for half a day, asking him to take a nap when the baby naps, etc. Most kids will realize quickly that being older has its advantages. Remind him the things he can do that his baby brother or sister can't do.

Make sure your children understand that it's okay to feel what they feel. Everyone feels jealous at times, as well as sad, angry, and frustrated. Everyone sometimes doesn't want to share. It's your job to help your child learn how to express feelings in ways that aren't destructive or hurtful to the other child.

Give your child channels for negative feelings. While the first impulse in anger is to hit something, help your child to begin to stop that impulse and choose another path. Bear in mind that toddlers have little impulse control, so it won't be easy for them to stop just because you've asked them to do so. Continue to remind them to use their words to express themselves. Once they've learned that lesson, you can begin to help them choose their words wisely. The best response is to say, "I feel angry! I don't like this, and I'd like you to stop!" Discourage name-calling and blaming. Remind your child to bring the focus back to his own feelings. Of course, it's important that you model this behavior for your child. Teach your child through words and actions that he may sometimes need to walk away when he's angry in order to cool off.

When your second child is no longer a baby, they'll both experience sibling rivalry issues. One way to prevent this is to make a board for each child, which will include their drawings and awards. These should be placed side by side on the wall or on opposite walls. If you hug one child, be sure to hug the other one as well. Don't make yourself crazy trying to treat them equally, but do make an effort to do so.

When an argument erupts, tell the children they can play nicely, or they'll have to have separate time-outs. If they ignore you, make sure they understand that it was their choice to have a time-out. If they can't share toys, the problem toy will have to be taken away for a period of time. Be sure to notice when they play well together, and praise them for it. This encourages them to continue the good behavior.

If one sibling tattles on another, it's best to ignore it. You can tell your children that you'd like them to get along better, but tattling is not behavior you want to reward in any way. That doesn't mean you won't stop the behavior of the other child if it's something that needs to be addressed, but don't make any comment about the tattling.

Don't have unrealistic expectations of your kids. Siblings will battle with one another. It's part of their development, and it's perfectly normal. Do what you can to create love and harmony between them, but understand that you won't be able to maintain those good feelings all of the time.

Most siblings get along better as adults even if they fought all through their childhoods. However, never ignore sibling rivalry because it can have long-term effects on the relationships between siblings, and never compare one child with the other. Little will create a wedge between brothers and sisters more than hearing a parent say, "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Do what you can to help your children develop caring and empathy toward one another.

Tip of the Week: Sleep! It's much more important than people realize. If your children aren't getting enough sleep, the fatigue will practically breed sibling rivalry. Toddlers need at least 12 hours of sleep daily between nap time and night time.

I hope you enjoyed this article.

Kind regards,

Janet Brownlee and the Sleepytime Secrets Team
Sleepytime Secrets - Making Bedtime A Breeze!

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